Underworld Personals

The Wink

I used to have such mixed feelings about the wink. I thought it was cheesy, way too played out and only used by guys who thought they were the most suave and dashing thing on the block. But that’s because I’d never seen it done right. I swear.

I’m a believer now. The first time a hot man flashed me the perfect effortless wink and half-smile combination, it was like a fierce punch in the sex drive. The sad truth is, not many men can work a wink and not come off as silly, but when they can, oh boy. Game over.

Clean fingernails

We’re not asking that men be perfectly put together every second of every day. Yes, knowing how to clean yourself up and be presentable at a work or family function is definitely required training before we will date you. But we also love it when you’re all rugged and sweaty and manly! It all depends on the occasion.

Similarly, you don’t have to have to most amazing physique either. We would prefer you not hold us to model standards so we’re not going to do that to you either. What does count, however, is being attentive to the little details of personal hygiene. A dude with a forest of nose hair, or dirty, too-long-for-a-dude fingernails is a major turn-off.

Smelling good

There is such a thing as too much cologne, but a subtle yet unmistakable man smell is, well, irresistible! Some women (myself included), think that the au natural scent is most alluring. It does wonders for my pheromones. If you do decide to give Mother Nature a hand, easy does it. One spritz of your favorite cologne is sufficient, or just pick a great smelling deodorant.

Laughter is the best medicine

Look at the men who are surrounded by women? Notice anything they have in common? Right, they’re full of laughter. If you’re too concerned with looking cool to appreciate a good belly laugh, I hate to break it to you, but you’re lame. When women hang around with guys who let their laughter explode from time to time they’ll likely join in on the fun. Laugher is infectious; they won’t be able to help themselves.

We all know that laughing goes hand in hand with feeling good thanks to all those happy chemicals that are released when we laugh. Women will make an intuitive connection between that happy feel good feeling and the guy that provoked all that laughter.

Losing it

While women like a guy who isn’t serious all of the time, we don’t want to see a guy who loses it on a regular basis either. We all have problems that we deal with, life’s stressors that have to be dealt with, but guys, freaking out over every little thing is a total turn off. It indicates a serious lack of maturity. We want to be your girlfriend, not your mother.

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Often when we meet someone new we go into overdrive trying to decode their every word and movement. It’s a mind numbing game trying to figure out whether or not they actually like us.

Why do we women do this to ourselves? I can’t for the life of me figure that out! Mind you, I’m not innocent either. After all, you don’t become a relationship writer without a whole lot of relationship self analysis. After all of which I have concluded that straining ourselves to figure out a man’s emotions is just too much work. When really, it’s not that complicated.

Unless a man is sending you ridiculously mixed signals (shame on him), you should be able to listen to your gut to determine whether or not he’s smitten. You can weigh the back and forth between you two all you want but at the end of the day, your instincts as to his feelings will probably be right.

That being said there are still those of you who like nothing better than examining his every word. You actually like playing the “he loves me, he loves me not” game. To ensure you’re on the winning side, here’s a cheat sheet. If you’re still not sure, just ask him outright.

He’s told his friends about you

When you meet his friends for the first time, and you’re not a surprise to them, that’s a good thing. It means he’s talked about you with them. If he wasn’t really interested in you, he wouldn’t have bothered mentioning you.

He calls you just to talk

I could write a book about men who believe they shouldn’t call a woman the day after their date. It’s such an old and out dated notion.

Most men do wait a few days before calling a woman they’re interested in. If he doesn’t call, don’t despair. Unless you hear from him on a Friday night at 11 pm because then it’s all about the booty call. If that’s all you want, that’s fine. Just remember, booty call guy isn’t likely to want to join you for Sunday night dinner with your parents. Aside from calls like this, should he call you in the next week or so to set up another date; he’s interested.

He’s really listening

Men who are taken with someone typically want to be a little sweet and romantic. And what’s the best way to do something out of the way and special for his new lady? Knowing things about her. You have to know the facts before you can plan your romantic assault. At least, I hope most men are doing this, otherwise their attempts at romantic gestures will be generic and boring.

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Have you ever had a girlfriend who’d ditch her friends, you included, for a guy? Let’s say the two of you made plans for the museum on Saturday afternoon. When Saturday morning rolled around, she changed her plans to be with a guy she’d just met. Being the understanding friend that you are, you caved and said that it was fine.

Deep down inside, you’re starting to become resentful and you feel more than a bit neglected. Here’s a news flash for you; guys don’t break guy plans to spend time with you, so you might want to think twice before cancelling gal pal plans for a guy. In truth, if he cared for you at all he’d be the first one to insist that you keep your original plan.

There is a popular policy in business where it’s “first come, first served.” Why can’t it be that way in relationships? If the relationship is strong enough, being with friends every now and then should not tear you apart. It may actually make it stronger because it shows you have a life outside of him. Friends should be just as important as new partner and more than likely you probably have known your friends longer.

While you’re reading this you’re probably saying to yourself that a woman should never let a her friends come between her and her man. Well the flip side of that is true as well; a woman should never let her man come between her and her friends. It’s too bad that we all know someone who’s done that, and we may even be looking at her in the mirror. And when the friends are dropped, all that extra time is spent with the new guy.

This new guy becomes their whole life. Phone calls to friends become a thing of the past. Your chats are no longer needed as she thinks this new man is all she needs. Her work may suffer as well as other parts of her personal life. And you’re thinking “I would never let that happen to me”, but it’s often not a conscientious decision.

Love is supposed to complement who you are. It’s not supposed to leave you brain dead and lose your friends and maybe even your job. If the relationship doesn’t last, you’ll need your friends more than ever. The same people that you don’t have time for now will be the one picking up the pieces when your lover hits the road.

Though your friends may not say it to your face, they likely want to but didn’t for fear of ruining what is left of your friendship. Your most caring friends will keep their mouth shut and give you a much needed hug while you pour out your sob story. Which, incidentally, was entirely of your own making.

If your guy can’t understand that you have a life that may not include him, then you don’t need him. It’s that simple. Remember, you don’t have to lose your identity to be in love or to be involved in a relationship. A relationship should add to your life, not take away from it.

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One of life’s most wonderful, and complex, mysteries is Love, with a capital L. Since the beginning of time, the sexes have argued. Men protest that they simply don’t understand the female sex. Women on the other hand claim that men are insensitive. It’s a no win battle. And there is one particular complaint that almost all women have in common.

One thing that has always baffled me about a certain percentage of the male species is their apparent inability to carryout promises that they make. Correction, the inability to follow through with promises that they make to a woman. For example: A guy may tell you that he will call you at a certain time, and more than likely he has no intention call you at all. In addition, he may also state that he will come by to see you at a specific time, or make plans with you to do something, and when the time does come he is nowhere to be found.

For the women like me who are curious and inquisitive we demand to know why. We expect to be given a reason for this apparent insensitivity. We all know that men and women are different, but that difference does not excuse the fact that sometimes other people’s feelings get hurt when someone appears only to think of themselves.

Does it all come down to the fact that having to let a woman know they’re running late or have had a change of plans remind them of having to report to their mothers when they were little? Well here’s a news flash for the fellows; it has nothing to do with wanting to know where you are twenty four hours a day. Rather, it’s simple concern. We worry when you don’t call as expected.

Men respond by saying that women bitch and nag at them, but really, is that true? It seems to me that the ones who complain about this must know, deep down inside, that they are guilty of the accusation. They know it applies to them.

We’ve all heard that the truth hurts, and emotionally it does hurt, just as it does when you promise a woman that you are going to do one thing, and you turn around and do another that totally excludes her. How can someone believe that feels good? The answer? It doesn’t! Then there is the question of respect. In fact, many of us have been stood up at least once in our lives and we know how painful it is.

Trust and honesty are what makes a good relationship. Whether that relationship is one of friendship or romance, hurting someone’s feelings on purpose just doesn’t cut it. Relationships have enough problems built in without adding to the mix.

So for all you fellows out there, here’s a bit of good advice. If you promise a phone call, then call. Same goes for emails, text messages or a visit. If for some reason you can’t make it, let your lady know. If nothing else it demonstrates that you respect her and that she’s important to you.

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So you’ve been chatting on your favorite internet dating site with a terrific guy or gal. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve started communicating and you’re really enjoying yourself. Now it’s time to take things to the next level. You need to decide whether you’re going to meet for coffee or a drink or whether this calls for something a bit more upscale, like dinner.

Even more important, how do you decide who pays for the first date? In the past few years, the issue of money in relationships has become quite an issue. People divorce over it, argue over it and some people even end friendships because of it. Since dating is supposed to be fun, how does one bring up a subject that seems to ignite so many emotions?

The answer would lie in how comfortable you feel with the person and if talking about money would be an issue. Traditionally most guys would be open to paying for dinner, or drinks for the few first dates. This makes it easier and allows the two people to get to know one another without talking about money.

If things continue to go well and you end up in a relationship, then things naturally progress and a fair exchange usually results. Women are just as willing to pay for things as the men they date. However, before getting to that point, these might be a few things to consider.

1. Discuss a day and time you want to meet.

This is critical for a first date. Women are usually more cautious than men about meeting for the first time and most prefer to meet while it is still daylight and in a public place. The man may have a totally different idea for a date in mind, so it’s important that you talk about this before going out.

2. Discuss where you want to go.

Now that the “when” is out of the way, here comes the “where”. Are you going to meet for a coffee, enjoy a lunch or dinner together, go to a museum or an art gallery? The possibilities are endless. You’ve been chatting online for a while so you should have a good grasp of each others’ likes.

3. What are you going to wear?

What you’ll wear is usually decided by where you’re going. You don’t want to wear you hiking gear to a swanky French restaurant, nor do you want to wear killer heels on the hiking trail. There are enough things to be nervous about on the first date, so don’t make what you’re wearing one of them.

Now that you have decided where to go and when to meet, you can just prepare to allow nature to take its course. It is not absolutely mandatory to discuss who should pay on the first date and the thing to remember is that there will always be enough time to bring money into the picture. Just have fun getting to know one another so that your relationship can be stronger so that when the tough times come around you have a solid foundation to help you through them.

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So, you’ve recently come out of a long term relationship and you’ve decided it’s time to start anew. You’re going to date! Congratulations! Have you thought about your strategy? Are you going to let your friends set you up with someone, are you going to dive into the bar scene, or perhaps you’re considering internet dating?

Most people who come out of a long term relationship are not ready to start dating right away. They usually take some time away from dating to gather their thoughts. While taking a break, you might want to give some thought to how you’re going to get back into the social scene.

If in fact you have made the decision to date keep reading for more tips;

1.Consider attending venues that you haven’t attended in the past. You need to try something new to keep your dating options at their max. Try political rallies, free concerts and networking events. Singles from all walks of life attend these events, and you’ll have a built in conversation starter.

2. You have nothing to lose but a few hours by agreeing to go on a blind date. If a friend, a family member or a co-worker suggest setting you upon a blind date with this terrific guy/gal that they know, let them! Sometimes others know what you need, even if you don’t.

3. Faith draws people together. No matter what your faith, consider attending religious services. You’d be surprised at the number of single people there! Instead of just attending services, become an active participant by mentoring kids, or attending a study group.

4. Put your volunteer hat on and spend some time at the local food bank or other charitable organization. Given the economic times, the less fortunate are growing in numbers. You’ll meet new people and feel good about doing so.

5. Join an internet dating site! They’re hugely popular and if you join a free site, costs you nothing. Ask friends and family for recommendations of which site(s) to join. As always with internet dating, don’t reveal too much about yourself online, and always meet your date in a public place.

6. Go out with a group of friends or co-workers and have a good time. This can boost your confidence and people are attracted to confident people. For instance: You and a few co-workers may go out after work for Happy Hour. Note: You always seem to find something when you’re not looking for it. This also applies in love.

Though you may initially feel that getting back into the dating world is risky, it’s a risk worth taking. Just because you’ve taken a few wrong turns on the road to love doesn’t mean that the destination won’t be worth it!

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